


Be With Me, Darling, Early and Late

by orphan_account



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pet Names, Pining Ryan Bergara, Protective Shane Madej, Ryan-centric, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 02:41:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17194967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: 5 times Shane calmed Ryan down with pet names, and the 1 time they weren't needed





	Be With Me, Darling, Early and Late

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from John Frederick Nims' Love Poems

 “Oh my God! No, nope, nope, absolutely not. I’m outta here – wait you know what – actually no – “

Ryan knew he was rambling nonsense, eyes wide, a panicked expression in them as he jumped around the room, trying to work off the ensuing adrenaline from what he just heard.

Shrouded in complete darkness in the actual house from the real ‘A Haunting in Connecticut’, he was bound to get like this. But wanting to look tough in the disbelieving eyes of his best friend, he forged on; foolishly so, since as soon as the sun set he got skittish to the point where he felt like he could actually suffer from a cardiovascular event if he didn’t stop.

But that didn’t stop the fucking demon from tormenting him.

He was sure – no he _knew_ that what he heard was a laugh. And it wasn’t one of those light, airy laughs. This was something dark, something demonic.

Of course, it didn’t affect the world’s biggest skeptic and knucklehead standing in front of him, bent over with laughter.

“What the fuck – what – what are you doing?” His friend finally hiccupped out and Ryan could see how red Shane’s whole face was with the force of his laughter.

“Yeah, yeah laugh it up, man. You didn’t hear what I heard alright – “

“Oh c’mon, man, it was probably just the – “

“The fucking wind!” Ryan shouted with clenched fists around his head, the frustration of the situation finally getting to him. This seemed to sober Shane up, right away.

“Whoa, hey, little guy, don’t stress. Here c’mon let’s take a breather out on the porch.”

And just like that, Shane dragged him away by the arm and completely took the proverbial wind out of his proverbial sails.

Ryan knew how he could get; paranoid as he was, he probably wasn’t the easy person to be around in a place such as this. In times like this, the only person he could trust to take him out of the moment was his best friend. The man should be dubbed ‘Ryan-whisperer’, his brain provided, still muddled in its panic state.

He heaved a huge breath and bent over the back porch’s railing, head cradled in his arms. A strong, warm hand landed on his shoulder and he should have probably jolted up with fear if he wasn’t so familiar with the touch. It was Shane.

“We’re gonna be okay, little guy.” The man proclaimed in a soft voice.

And with a big whoosh, he exhaled all his fear out.

***

Ryan knew it was kind of ridiculous to be insecure in yourself as the 27-year old that he was. By now, he should’ve gone through the awkward and painful phase of figuring his shit out and being comfortable with who he was. And yet here he was, still excruciatingly insecure.

And so he joined the gym and got fit which he was thankful for since he always noticed how so many eyes lingered on him when he went out with his friends; the way hands would touch his arms, get a little too close to him. He appreciated it.

He’d probably appreciate it more if his mind was on track with it all. In his own eyes, Ryan was still the awkward, scrawny teenager whose sense of fashion involved sweatpants and a baseball cap.

He was still inept in fashion, of course, as he was noticeably informed by Freddie and Kristin who were supposed to dress him and the big guy up for a video.

Initially, he thought the two women would just give them a number of random outfits to try on after which they’d choose their favourites. Of course, none of them were informed of the fact that there’d be a closet raid.

Red in the face and squirming in his shoes, he cringed any time Kristin pulled out yet another one of his jerseys, unable to look Shane in the eyes, who had so generously laid himself on Ryan’s bed.

The smug bastard was probably comfortable in his own fashion choices.

_Stupid, tall –_

“Ryan?” It was Shane, who spoke, jolting Ryan out of his loathsome reverie.

“What?” He more or less snapped at Shane, regretting it once he saw his friend’s expression crumple into a concerned one.

Ryan cleared his throat uncomfortably, “Uh – sorry what?”

“I said I think it’s time for us to change.” Shane’s voice was awfully quiet and gentle and Ryan knew that was for his sake. He was holding out a hand towards the silly partitions set up for the both of him and a quick glance confirmed that Freddie and Kristin were waiting patiently with their cameras.

“Oh okay, sorry haha.” Doling out another awkward laugh at the women who shot him a smile back each, he made his way over to his side of the room.

A few items were laid out for him which he couldn’t discern from one another but he dutifully put them on and with no mirror in sight yet, he had no idea how bad he looked.

After a few silly moments and counting down to seeing Shane, he finally stepped out in view of the cameras and towards a –

A giant mirror. Oh good, this was like his nightmare come true. Now all the rest of them had to do was point and laugh and it would be complete.

The rational part of him knew he was being idiotic, thinking that Shane of all people would laugh at him, but anxiety was as it always was – a bastard.

Kristin quickly asked him to step up to the mirror and after a long pause and a few stilted glances towards Shane who had probably picked up on his emotions, he took one long step towards the mirror.

With a frozen smile, he started to appreciate the outfit, “Oh hey, I look good in this.” And the outfit was truly good, but if it had been on someone else it would have truly looked amazing.

Suddenly, a shout from Shane half-scared him to death.

“Whoa, hey, look at the Ry-guy, doesn’t he look dashing. Look, those pants make you look tall.”

Ryan stared back at his friend who continued with his awful praise. He looked towards Freddie and Kristin, both of whom were giggling loudly at Shane.

Freddie made eye contact with him and nodded, “He’s right, Ryan, you look great!”

A warm feeling blossomed in his gut and worked its way up to his face and now –

Oh great, now he was blushing.

And he blushed straight through the rest of the video, as Shane continued to shamelessly point out how good he looked to the other employees at Buzzfeed, even giggling when he was courteously offered an arm to the office.

Just like that, yet again, Shane had managed to pull Ryan’s mind out of his insecurities. And he wasn’t going to lie, the nicknames were getting to him.

***

Filming their Q&A was something Ryan could relax with and finally review the location that they had previously investigated, without any of the freak-outs. Being at their custom set and seated with his best friend, he was truly at ease. He could be even more so, if Shane stopped bringing his stupid hot dog show and force him to sit through the entirety of it.

But anyway, Shane was a dick.

His gut hurt from laughing at the last question, poking fun at Shane’s wild hair in the episode which was courtesy of him taking his hoodie off. Ryan turned to Shane who had a light expression on his face but a glint in his eyes like he was thinking something - which he always was, so there was no surprise there.

He shot Shane a questioning glance with a head tilt and the stupid man had the audacity to wink back at him. Ryan pursed his lips against the resulting smile and looked away before the camera and lights caught onto the blush working its way over his cheeks.

That was something new as well; his tendency to blush like a teenager around his best friend. A horrifyingly familiar feeling would bubble up in his chest that felt a lot like the beginnings of a crush. Whenever Shane would take his long limbs and slim frame and tuck it into Ryan’s personal space, it made it difficult for him to breathe; and definitely not because he felt smothered.

There was a tiny part of him that just wanted to shed all his insecurities and anxiety and just fit himself into Shane, head buried in his chest, aching to feel those long yet strong arms around his back.

But that was a lot like thinking of your friend while jerking off; worse if he added feelings to it.

So, Ryan shut the door to that thought cloud a long time ago, but lately Shane had made it so much more difficult to get over his crush and lick his wounds in peace.

In present time, Ryan rolled his eyes at the other man and went back to reading the next question.

“Alright, so next question is from – “

“Gram town!” Shane exclaimed, eyebrows comically jumping on his giant forehead.

Ryan laughed, “Gram town indeed. And this one’s from @shaniac.me.baby – wow what an inventive name. Shane, uh, I think you’ve got an admirer.”

He grinned at Shane who looked appropriately uncomfortable but put on a painfully fake smile for the camera that Ryan just wanted to burst out laughing at.

He let out a smirk instead, directed at Shane who spoke, “Uh yeah thanks for that, that’s a – a very _interesting_ name for sure.”

Ryan coughed into his fist to hide his wide grin; it took a lot to make the big guy lost for words like that and be uncomfortable so even though a small part of him wanted to fight this person out of jealousy, he was mostly amused.

But he went back to reading the question, since TJ had raised an eyebrow at the weird tension in the room, “So uh – here they say, this is for me. _When the curtain thing happened, which by the way was definitely the wind,_ okay there snarky Shaniac, _I’ve never seen Ryan jump that high or scream that loud. If nothing, Ryan at least provides us with a lot of entertainment. #shaniacskeepwinning #ryansawimp.”_

Ryan’s voice noticeably trailed off in an uncertain tone towards the end. He knew their fans loved them to the point of intense hatred sometimes which was kind of appreciative but right now he didn’t feel appreciated at all. Again, his anxiety reared its ugly head and it was like he was back to square one on his insecurity level.

Silence had descended in the room, and even TJ who would sometimes call out marks during filming had gone completely quiet. Ryan kept his eyes fixed on his cellphone still, with the question glaring back at him brightly.

He opened his mouth to acknowledge the awkward situation but Shane had beaten him to it.

“Look buddy, shaniacs aren’t shaniacs if they can’t respect the original creator of this whole thing who of course, is sitting right next to me. The original _Boogara_ if you will. So uh, props to you with that whole wind thing because it was definitely the wind I agree” –

At this point he turned to Ryan to comically rub the fact in but he had gone unnaturally still at Shane’s words.

“ – but my friend, I’m afraid you have it wrong there. My man, Boogara, here is most definitely _not_ a wimp for going to these locations which, I admit, are kind of spooky, I mean take a look at Waverly Hills. And he does all this to get _you guys_ some good content. Doesn’t sound like a wimp to me.”

After the last sentence, Shane aggressively sat back in his chair and crossed his arms, staring off into space. Ryan glanced at him with wide eyes and an open mouth; he couldn’t believe the things Shane had just said.

A small part of his mind knew he should probably blush and have a mini panic attack because this was a man he’d been crushing on and longing after saying all these amazing things but he couldn’t even bring his own body to give a reaction.

It was like someone had taken his brain out, fried it, and then put it back in and asked it to work normally. There was nothing normal about anything right now.

Ryan doesn’t know how long he sat there with an open mouth, staring down at the wooden table before TJ called it cut and they all stopped filming. At the back of his mind, he could hear the man talk about leaving to ‘give them some space’ or whatever but Ryan stopped following a long time ago.

Soon, it was just the two of them.

He heard the shifting rustle of Shane’s clothes in the quiet and after a few seconds the man spoke, “Uh listen, I know I joke a lot about you being scared and stuff but uh – I never actually mean it. And definitely not so people like them can send shit like that – “

He was getting heated up again so Ryan interrupted him, “Thank you. I mean, yeah, you didn’t have to do that and we’ll probably not air this bit but uh, thanks.” He awkwardly closed it out but he felt Shane shift closer and huff loudly.

“I mean you are a wimp – “

Ryan rolled his eyes good-naturedly, “Okay, here we go – “

“ – but I mean you’re my wimp so…”

With that bomb dropped, the infuriating man just heaved himself off his chair with a loud grunt and stalked off, leaving Ryan alone on the set.

And okay just –

It was a good thing Shane walked off, Ryan thought, because he’d probably wrestle the man into a kiss. It was completely unacceptable how sweet he was being and a traitorous part of him whispered that it was perhaps because he reciprocated Ryan’s feelings but he shut them down before they went far.

There was no hope for Ryan with Shane and he didn’t want to give himself any. Still, a small part of him wished Shane had stayed, had pressed his arm against Ryan’s and said more sweet somethings into the still air around them.

He wished they had stayed in the moment a little longer.

***

It was a few weeks after that, when Ryan felt like something had changed in their friendship. But it wasn’t the sort of change he secretly hoped for.

It was a busy Tuesday and Ryan was going over his notes for the voiceover of a recent episode they’d filmed while Shane was doing God-knows-whatever on his own. He felt more than heard someone stop by their shared desk but continued to work, knowing it was someone they knew dropping by casually.

That was until he heard the tail end of their conversation, “ – I’m excited, man. Never been, so we’re gonna have a swell time.”

It was Shane who had said that, making Ryan whip his head up to see who he was talking to. It was Greg – good ol’ Greg who worked a few desks away from them. He wasn’t a producer but a part of their research team who helped Ryan work out the kinks and knots of a particularly difficult case.

Ryan had a confused smile on his face which Greg spotted and responded, “Oh hey Ryan, how’s it going? Just wanted to warn ya I’m gonna be stealing your best friend for a weekend.” He ended it with a wink which had Ryan chuckling automatically until the words he’d just said registered.

He glanced towards Shane who was weirdly not making any eye contact with him. He let out another chuckle, this one forced, and then turned back to his computer, brows furrowed. To say he was confused was a big understatement.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Shane finish up his conversation with Greg who left for the break room and once again the two were left in silence and background chatter from their coworkers.

Ryan gulped and blinked down at the screen but it was futile to get back to work since his mind was storming through everything.

Shane was leaving this weekend with a friend. A friend from their research team that Ryan didn’t even know was good friends with Shane. Friends who were close enough to go away for a weekend? And Ryan wasn’t even invited.

Not that he thought he was important enough, but in the past few months Shane had gotten him used to being important. And that just sucked.

Because Ryan wasn’t important; not in Shane’s life, not in anyone’s.

And he needed to accept that.

Fumbling with numb fingers, he switched off his computer in haste and gathered his things muttering a quick goodbye to Shane who was sitting silent the whole time.

 _Of course, he doesn’t owe you an explanation, Ryan, don’t be stupid,_ his brain supplied.

But it took a lot of effort for him to not break down in tears until he’d entered his apartment.

Working off his boots, he trudged heavily towards his couch and dropped down onto it, eyes blurred with tears. He desperately wanted to go to a bar and drink this off but it was an effort even to raise his head. He couldn’t figure out what he was feeling, was it just disappointment, heartbreak or worse sorrow?

But how could he feel sorrow for having lost something that wasn’t even his?

It was all too confusing, he thought, as he pulled his phone out to check his Instagram. Maybe he could message Jake about –

All thoughts screeched to a halt as he saw Shane had recently posted a story. His thumb flickered over the circle, torn between wanting to look at it and wanting to run away and hide.

Swallowing against another bout of emotion, he ripped his hand away from his cellphone, opting to place it on his coffee table and headed to his bedroom. He was going to deal with this mess tomorrow; right now he was going to conk out.

***

Waking up after having cried oneself to sleep was particularly excruciating, Ryan thought, as he groaned against the sunlight blaring through his window; he’d obviously forgotten to close the curtain last night.

Burying further into his pillow, he sighed, mentally reviewing the previous day. He fumbled for his cellphone frantically until he remembered he’d forgotten it on the coffee table outside.

Groaning dramatically, he slid off the bed and stumbled towards the couch where his cellphone lay. Working on instinct, his fingers found the Instagram app and he quickly rifled through all the stories to get to Shane’s, tapping on it as soon as he found it.

It was a close-up of Shane with him running his fingers through his hair, almost absent-mindedly. Ryan knew it was a nervous tick.

“Uh hey what’s up Instagram. Just wanted to say Ryan and I appreciate the support you guys have been giving us, especially with that last episode. That was fun to film, even if we got lost – “

He paused to let out a laugh and Ryan’s heart thundered in his ears. He didn’t know what the point of this story was but it sounded awfully like a goodbye.

“ – but yeah it was good fun. Also, uh I’ve been seeing a lot of comments asking if we have more episodes lined up after this season. We’re not sure yet since we haven’t filmed anything after this. But this doesn’t mean we’re not gonna. The ghouligans never stay away from each other for long. _Ever._ ”

The last word was emphasized with Shane looking directly into the camera on his phone and somehow Ryan knew that was meant for him. Something was up with the both of them right now but he knew this was Shane promising no matter what happened their friendship wouldn’t suffer for it.

And as heartbroken as Ryan was, he was glad that he had their friendship to salvage, at least.

***

The next time he saw Shane was at the yearly Buzzfeed Holiday party which almost always forced a bunch of them to socialize and take unending pictures that were eventually used for future promotion.

It sounded harsh and kind of boring but it really wasn’t since Ryan was close enough with his coworkers to really enjoy himself at the party. Of course, this was before he’d gone and foolishly fallen in love with his best friend and partner at the company.

At first, he thought he’d need to go around hiding from Shane but just as the thought had come to his mind he’d banished it entirely. He was a grown-up for God’s sake; he was just going to show up and if Shane was there they’d talk like nothing had transpired before they went off for their break.

So, Ryan shrugged on his new blazer, courtesy of Kristin and Freddie, and made it to the party on time. Every time he looked in the mirror he was reminded of the way Shane had thrown compliments around so casually and he wished he could do that for Shane as well.

It wasn’t long before he’d finally spotted the man among the crowd; tall as he was, he towered over everyone else, laughing merrily into his plastic cup of wine. Ryan’s chest ached at the sight; awkward and clumsy, he was beautiful to Ryan.

Suddenly there was a roar of laughter and Shane was caught up in it until Ryan realized what the noise was all about. Maycie had spotted a sprig of mistletoe on the ceiling above her and Shane happened to be beside her and –

Shane smiled down at her and leaned towards her face.

 _Oh fuck, oh no_ , Ryan couldn’t do this, he couldn’t stand around to see the love of his life kiss someone –

_Wait, the love of his life? Aw shit no._

Ryan whirled around to find a way out of the crowd. Eventually, he found a door that led to a stairwell, which wasn’t exactly the outside but it would do in a pinch. The door shut heavily with a loud metal clang, and he was left alone in the echoing silence with his own panicked breaths.

But he couldn’t get it under control. Tears welled up in his eyes as his chest got tighter, preventing him from taking a full deep breath. The combination of the two had him going down to his knees, barely noticing the loud bang the door behind him made as someone burst through.

Ryan felt hands on his shoulders, fingers on his numb face, his eyes unable to focus on the person in front of him. His mind was muddled in panic that he had not only gone and fallen in love with his best friend; he’d made damn sure said best friend would never feel the same way about him.

A voice called out to him and he recognized it as Shane’s which had him jolting up in surprise and harshly blinking away the tears in his eyes.

His vision refocused and he found himself slumped on the cold tiled floor with Shane leaning over him, his hands cupping Ryan’s face, a terribly endearing concerned look on his face.

Ryan summoned enough energy to croak out, “Sorry.”

Instantly, Shane shook his head, hair flopping around adorably, “Don’t be sorry. I’m just glad you’re okay, baby.”

Ryan’s heart stopped, “What?”

Shane’s brow furrowed, “I said I’m glad you’re okay now.”

Ryan frantically shook his head, “No what did you call me?”

The other man rolled his eyes and chuckled, “I know you keep telling me not to – “

“Say it again.”

Shane’s expression turned serious, “Say what?”

“Call me baby again.”

Ryan saw the man’s jaw clench as he leaned in. Not knowing what to anticipate, he closed his eyes.

He felt warm lips caress then press a kiss on his forehead. It had Ryan’s heart jumping up to his throat.

“I said I’m glad you’re okay, baby. _Really glad_.” And with that he pressed another firm kiss to his forehead and then temple, eventually folding Ryan into his chest with a soft touch, one he could break through if he wanted to.

But Ryan would be a mad man if he did that. Instead, he lapped up the affection right away and crumpled forward into Shane, breath releasing in a loud sob.

Shane’s grip tightened on him and soon Ryan was enveloped completely into the other man’s embrace. He’d be a liar if he said this wasn’t how he wanted to spend the rest of his life.

***

He really wished for some sunshine right now, there was not one speck of it in sight. Who knew Los Angeles could get this cold?

Of course, his boyfriend kept reminding him.

“I told ya, baby – “

“Okay, fine Jesus Christ, I take back my words. Your global warming spiel is definitely the worst thing ever.”

His boyfriend mock-pouted, “Now that’s not very nice Mr. Bergara, my feelings are hurt.”

Ryan rolled his eyes but couldn’t stop a smile from slipping through, “Oh really?”

“I demand compensation.”

“Do you really?”

“Otherwise…” Shane trailed off which had Ryan glancing up away from his cellphone to look at him.

His boyfriend only waggled his eyebrows in response which confused Ryan further but he laughed it off.

Finishing off their coffees, the two headed quickly back to the office, Ryan unable to stand the cold seeping in through his clothes.

The office was quiet today; everyone had come back from the holidays with fresh minds and ideas and were completely dissolved in upcoming projects. The same could be said for Ryan and Shane; they had a surprise set up for their fans.

Ryan had just reached his desk and was slowly working his jacket off since the heat was cranked up high inside when hands overtook his and –

“Here, pumpkin, let me help ya with this.” That was Shane, of course, but the whole thing had been said in his mock-sweet voice that usually had Ryan rolling his eyes, but right now he couldn’t do that since his boyfriend’s loud words had gotten the attention of many in the office.

Curious eyes watched them as Shane worked Ryan’s jacket off for him, acting as if he’d done nothing absurd. Ryan stood stock-still, feeling caught in the numerous gazes around him.

But before he could snap out of it, “Darling, sit down, I don’t want you getting a stiff back. Though you know I’ll work it out for ya later on.” Shane announced rather audibly before winking infuriatingly and getting back to work on his stupid hot dog show.

By now Ryan felt as if he should explode with all the heat in his face, but he slowly inched down onto his seat, and bent over to completely hide himself.

He turned his head to face Shane and hissed at him, “What are you up to, Long Legs?”

The man only grinned frustratingly before continuing in his loud voice, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, honey. Now get back to work, how are we gonna feed the kids if you keep slacking off?”

Absurdly, it had Ryan wheezing with laughter, the entire situation too ridiculous and embarrassing for his own health. He’d definitely made his life more difficult by falling in love with this man.

But glancing at the only source of happiness in his life, who was now comically batting his eyelashes at him, he knew he wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a new fandom writer here, so hi! I don't have a tumblr so follow me here for updates and you can also send me some prompts in the comments if you want xx


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